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people are lining up and after four hours of waiting
without warning the gate opens slightly to allow those outside to move in
instantly there is a huge shove and push from all behind
pushing everyone aside to get in first

i am pushed aside…i am in a fragile condition…cannot run
just remain watching as the pushing crowd rush by me
forcibly pushing the gates completely open
there are shouts from inside to shut the gate…to shut the gate
an angry sannyasin comes out and there is only me
and a few others who have been left outside
and shouts saying to me…is this the way to behave
you all are harming his work…this is not the way…all of you just leave

i softly say that i was standing for four hours third in line
that they all pushed me aside…i was not to blame…infact i remained still
he blasts me and asks why i argue with him
he will remember my face and not to allow me in

what a joke…is this the way of cosmic justice
perhaps this world is not that mad after all
just look at our own people

my very first meeting never came
i just walk across to the garden by the street and become silent
and sit still through the entire evening

coming the next day
i am to learn about a new rule…all passes are to be bought from
the meditation centre in the fort area…go there

while i am standing outside the gate…i see ma laxmi come outside
i plead my case with her mentioning the previous days episode

she nods smiles and says that she saw it all
ok…and hands me a special pass for the day
thank you ma laxmi…this is my special day
we are led inside…sit in an area…and are soon taken upstairs

i walk very very slowly…letting others pass by me
and end up last up the spiral stairs
i see ma vivek for the very first time appear on top of the staircase
and watch me climb slowly up the stairs

another gift for my eyes and i feel immense gratitude towards her
she has taken care of bhagwan…she is a goddess in front of my eyes
i fold my hands namaste and deeply bow towards her
she smiles…i feel warmly welcomed by her
atleast bhagwans closest people are loving and compassionate
i say to myself

ashok bharti is singing…a long white beard
such passion and love in his voice…a rhythm of love flowing
this is where i belong…with these people again…we need to be together
with bhagwan guiding us along…his eternal caravanserai

the air becomes absolutely still…all eyes turn
bhagwan enters beaming with a smile
i see him walk with such drunkenness and awareness at the same time
gently namaste with twinkling eyes…glide into his chair
this is the first time i have seen him

it has taken six long years of waiting

bhagwans physical presence is overwhelming
every particle of air drenched in honey…thick and overflowing
i am drunk like never before
my samadhi a month ago was not so sweet
this is the real thing

my tears are flowing
i look at him…but shyly…close my eyes again
i cannot look directly into his eyes…it would be intruding
i close my eyes and my tears just flow and the tears just flow
time has disappeared

i am transported into the same black hole
even deeper and gentler and sweeter

i can hear him say
that one day this moment will be remembered in history
blessings on your arrival
go deeper…there is more…there is more

i cannot hear his words
i am drowning into bliss

om om om om vibrating everywhere

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