Osho on Mother duty in
Question : How can I fulfil my duty
as a Mother?
Osho : Don't think of it as a duty.
One tends to think of it as a duty sooner or later, and the day
you think of it as a duty, something dies, something of immense
value disappears; the relationship is broken. Think of it as a
celebration. The child is a gift from god. Be respectful to the
child... not just loving but respectful also. If there is not
respect, then love becomes possessive; if there is respect, how
can you possess? You cannot possess somebody you respect. the
very idea is ugly, disrespectful.
To possess a person means to reduce the person to a thing.
And once the child is your possession, you are burdened. then it
is a duty to be fulfilled, and then mothers talk for their whole
lives about how much they have done. A real mother will never
say a single word about doing, and not only that she will not
say: she never feels that she has done it. She has enjoyed it;
she is obliged to the child. It is not only the birth of the
child: simultaneously you are born in a new way, the mother is
One aspect is the birth of the child; another aspect is that
your motherhood is born. The child has tremendously transformed
you. He has given something to you; you are no more the same
person. There is a great difference between, a woman and a
mother. So just be loving, be respectful, and help him to grow
in such a way that you don't hinder him. From this very moment,
from the very beginning, one has to be alert about it. And
remember not to repeat the same pattern that you have learned
from your mother.
That is very natural because that's what you know about how a
mother should be, and you will repeat your mother's behaviour
with him, and that will be wrong. Be utterly new. Forget all
that you have learned from your mother; don't follow that. Be
utterly new, respond in a new way. Listen to his needs and
respond with a few absolutely certain visions. One is: give love
but never give a structure. Give love but never give a
love but freedom has to remain intact. Love should not be an
interference with his freedom.
Nobody thinks of the freedom of such a small child, but then
when will you think? Tomorrow again he will be small, the day
after tomorrow.... In fact the mother never thinks the child is
a grown-up person and is able to be free. Never. Because the
distance between you and the child will always remain the same.
If it is twenty years' distance, it is going to remain twenty
years' distance. So from this very moment, from the very
beginning, be respectful and give him freedom. And if sometimes
he cries, there is no need to be too worried about it.
Let him cry a little bit on his own. There is no need to always
rush and to always be on your toes to serve him. That looks like
love but in fact you are interfering with his freedom. He may
not need milk; sometimes the child simply cries. The child
simply enjoys crying -- that is the only way to express himself.
He has no language -- that is his language; he howls, cries. Let
him cry -- nothing is wrong in it. He is trying to relate with
the world. Don't try to console him; don't immediately give the
breast to him.
If he is not hungry, then giving him the breast is like a drug.
Mothers use their breasts as a drug. Mm? The child starts
drinking, forgets crying and falls asleep. It is comfortable,
but you have started trespassing. If he does not want to have
the milk -- he is not eager -- leave him. Then he will never
need any Primal Therapy. The people who are screaming in Primal
Therapy are the people who have been interfered with in their
childhood and never allowed to scream. Allow him everything and
let him feel that he is himself.
More and more let him feel that he is himself; come less and
less in his way. Be a help, nourish him, but let him grow on his
own. Even sometimes when you feel that he is going wrong, you
are nobody to judge. If he is going wrong, according to you,
that is only according to you; that is your opinion. He may not
be going wrong. He is not here in this world to follow your
opinion. ' And it is very easy to impose your opinions on him
because he is helpless. His survival depends on you; he has to
listen to you. If you say 'Don't do this', even if he
feels like doing it and feels very good doing it, he will have
to stop because it is risky to go against you.
The real mother will allow the child so much freedom that even
if he wants to go against her opinion, he is allowed. Just make
it plain to him 'This is my opinion that this is not right, but
you are free to do it.' Let him learn through his own
experience; that's how one really becomes mature. Otherwise
people remain childish. They grow in age but they don't grow in
their consciousness. So their physical age may be fifty and
their mind is maybe just eleven, ten, twelve, somewhere there;
thirteen is the average mind-age of people.
That means they stop at that time; and that is the average. In
that average Albert Einstein and
Buddhas and Christs are
included. If you think of actual persons, the mind-age is very
low. It comes to around seven to eight; somewhere around seven
the child stops. Then he never grows; he simply follows. Give
your love, share your experience, but never impose anything on
him. And then he will grow into a beautiful person.
Osho Articles on Women:
Osho on Woman
Osho on Nice Qualities
Osho on Qualities of the
Osho on Motherly
Qualities of woman
Osho discourse on
Osho on Special
Meditations for Women
Responsibility of being a Mother
Osho - Woman should not try to
Osho on Pain
of Witch and Beauty of Witches
Osho on greatest need of
Osho on Female Creativity - Female
Woman destructive attitude during Periods
on Negativity in Mother Daughter Relationship
Osho discourse on Being an
Artist rather than a Mother
Osho - Whenever a Child is born, the
Mother is also Born
- Every man is
a woman too and Every woman is a Man too
Difficulty in Loving Oneself - learning to love oneself
Osho - Why is the New Generation such a
problem to the Parents
way to help a Child grow without interfering in his natural
Osho - Parents are cruel to their children
because parents have some investment in them
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