- In a better world no parent will give you
any belief. Certainly he will give you courage to inquire, courage
to adventure. He will sharpen your intelligence so that when you
come across a lie you can see it and when you come across a truth
you can immediately recognize it, but he will not give you any
belief. No parent, if he loves the child, can give beliefs because
beliefs are poisonous. They destroy your intelligence, they destroy
your courage, and they create prejudices in you.
- Every parent distracts the child from his
essential being, leads him astray. Every teacher, every priest goes
on doing the same. Nobody respects the individual. They have already
decided what is right and what is wrong, and for all!
- The children need privacy, they need
freedom -- they need the freedom to be. But every parent is trying
to make the child into something other than he is. They are telling
the child to become a Jesus Christ or to become a Gautam Buddha or
to become a Mahavira or a Zarathustra. And this is such an ignoble
project because nobody can become a Bud&a again, nobody can become a
Jesus again. Existence is so creative it never repeats itself.
- If the child is afraid of the parent, love
is not possible. If the parent is afraid of the child, love is not
possible. How can you love in fear.
- I have never seen a single parent who is
happy about their children.
- To be a parent is a great art. To give
birth to children is nothing -- any animal can do it; it is a
natural, biological, instinctive process. To give birth to a child
is nothing great, it is nothing special; it is very ordinary. But to
be a parent is something extraordinary; very few people are really
capable of being parents.
- The criterion is that the real parents
will give freedom. They will not impose themselves upon the child,
they will not encroach upon his space. From the very beginning their
effort will be to help the child to be himself or to be herself.
They are to support, they are to strengthen, they are to nourish,
but not to impose their ideas, not to give the shoulds and should-nots.
They are not to create slaves.
- That's what parents all over the world go
on doing: their whole effort is to fulfill their ambitions through
the child. Of course nobody has been ever able to fulfill his
ambitions, so every parent is in a turmoil. He knows the death is
coming close by every day, he can feel the death is growing bigger
and bigger and life is shrinking, and his ambitions are still
unfulfilled, his desires are still not realized. He knows that he
has been a failure. He is perfectly aware that he will die with
empty hands -- just the way he had come, with empty hands, he will
- Now his whole effort is how to implant his
ambitions into the child. He will be gone, but the child will live
according to him. What he has not been able to do, the child will be
able to do. At least through the child he will fulfill certain
It is not going to happen. All that is going to happen is the child
will remain unfulfilled as the parent and the child will go on doing
the same to his children. This goes on and on from one generation to
another generation. We go on giving our diseases; we go on infecting
children with our ideas which have not proved valid in our own
- The children are always afraid. The fear
is that if they are true then the parents are hurt. If they want to
satisfy the parents they have to be untrue; then it hurts them. This
is the problem. Parents don t allow authenticity they don't want you
to be yourself. They have a certain idea of how you should be, what
you should be. If you are that, they are happy; if you are not that,
they are unhappy. And nobody can fulfill their idea, nobody at all,
because you are not here in this world to fulfill anybody's idea.
And your parents cannot conceive who you are going to be. The future
is open -- utterly open and unpredictable -- but each parent tries
to control the future and each parent feels frustrated.
- It is very difficult to find a parent who
is satisfied. Not even the father of Buddha was satisfied.
- They are trying to enforce their ambitions
on the child; that's how conditioning begins. They are not allowing
the child to be himself. No parent ever allows the child to be
himself; it has not happened up to now. That's why humanity is
living in such misery: because no child is allowed to be himself.
How can he be happy? Happiness happens only when you are
authentically yourself. And don't ask me how it happened in the very
beginning, because there has been no beginning. Whenever a child is
born there is a beginning; otherwise existence has continued forever
- If you are a parent you will need this
much courage -- not to interfere. Open doors of unknown directions
to the child so he can explore. He does not know what he has in him,
nobody knows. He has to grope in the dark. Don't make him afraid of
darkness, don't make him afraid of failure, don't make him afraid of
the unknown. Give him support. When he is going on an unknown
journey, send him with all your support, with all your love, with
all your blessings. Don't let him be affected by your fears. You may
have fears, but keep them to yourself. Don't unload those fears on
the child because that will be interfering.
After seven years, the next circle of seven years, from seven to
fourteen, is a new addition to life: the child's first stirring of
sexual energies. But they are only a kind of rehearsal. To be a
parent is a difficult job, so unless you are ready to take that
difficult job, don't become a parent. People simply go on becoming
fathers and mothers not knowing what they are doing. You are
bringing a life into existence; all the care in the world will be
needed. Now when the child starts playing his sexual rehearsals,
that is the time when parents interfere the most, because they have
been interfered with. All that they know is what has been done to
them, so they simply go on doing that to their children.
Societies don't allow sexual rehearsal, at least have not allowed it
up to this century -- only within the last two, three decades, and
that too only in very advanced countries. Now children are having
co-education. But in a country like India, even now co-education
starts only at the university level. The seven-year-old boy and the
seven-year-old girl cannot be in the same boarding school. And this
is the time for them -- without any risk, without the girl getting
pregnant, without any problems arising for their families -- this is
the time when they should be allowed all playfulness. Yes, it will
have a sexual color to it, but it is rehearsal; it is not the real
drama. And if you don't allow them even the rehearsal and then
suddenly one day the curtain opens, and the real drama starts ....
And those people don't know what is going on; even a prompter is not
there to tell them what to do. You have messed up their life
Those seven years, the second circle in life, is significant as a
rehearsal. They will meet, mix, play, become acquainted. And that
will help humanity to drop almost ninety percent of perversions. If
the children from seven to fourteen are allowed to be together; to
swim together, to be naked before each other, ninety percent of
perversions and ninety percent of pornography will simply disappear.
Who will bother about it? When a boy has known so many girls naked,
what interest can a magazine like PLAYBOY have for him? When a girl
has seen so many boys naked, I don't see that there is any
possibility of curiosity about the other; it will simply disappear.
They will grow together naturally, not as two different species of
Right now that's how they grow: two different species of animals.
They don't belong to one mankind; they are kept separate. A thousand
and one barriers are created between them so they cannot have any
rehearsal of their sexual life which is going to come. Because this
rehearsal is missing, that's why in people's actual sex life
foreplay is missing; and foreplay is so important -- far more
important than actual sexual contact, because actual sexual contact
lasts only for seconds. It is not nourishment. It simply leaves you
in a limbo. You were hoping for so much, and nothing comes out of
it. In Hindi we have a proverb: kheela pahad nikli chuhia. `You dug
out the whole mountain and you found one rat.' After all the effort
-- going to the movies and going to the disco and going to the
restaurant, and talking all kinds on nonsense which neither you want
nor the other wants to do, but both are talking -- digging the
mountain, and in the end, just a rat! Nothing is so frustrating as
- Make love only when you are ready to be in
a meditative space. And create a meditative atmosphere while you are
making love. You should treat the place as sacred. Creating life...
what can be more sacred? Do it as beautifully, as aesthetically, as
joyously as possible. There should be no hurry. And if the two
lovers meet in such an atmosphere outside, and such a silent space
within, they will attract a soul, the highest available. You give
birth to a child according to your state of love. If every parent is
disappointed, he should think about it, that this is the child they
deserved. They never created a possibility for a higher and more
evolved soul to enter into the womb -- because the male sperm and
the female egg only create an opportunity for a soul to enter. They
create the opportunity for a body, so some soul can become embodied.
But you will attract only that kind of person which your sexual
activity makes possible.
If the world is full of idiots and mediocre people, you are
responsible; I mean, parents are responsible. They never thought
about it, their children are accidental. There cannot be a bigger
crime than to create a life accidentally. Prepare for it. And the
most essential thing is to understand the orgasmic moment:
thoughtless, timeless, mindless, just a pure awareness. In that pure
awareness you can attract a Gautam Buddha. The way you are making
love, it is strange that more Adolf Hitlers, Mussolinis, Stalins,
Nadirshahs, Tamerlanes, Genghis Khans, are not attracted. You
attract only mediocre people. You don't attract the lowest either,
because for the lowest your love has to be almost a rape. For the
highest, your love has to be a meditation.
The child's life begins from the moment the soul enters into the
womb. If it has come into a meditative space, it is possible to have
a child without conditioning him. In fact, a child who is born out
of meditation cannot be conditioned; he will rebel against it. Only
mediocre people can be conditioned. And a couple who is capable of
meditativeness while making love is no ordinary couple. They will be
respectful to the child. The child is a guest from the unknown, and
you have to be respectful to the guest.
Parents who are not respectful to their children are bound to
destroy their lives. Your respect, your love, your gratitude that,
"You have chosen us as your parents," will be responded to with
deeper respect, more gratitude, more love. And when you love a
person, you cannot condition him. When you love a person, you give
him freedom, you give him protection. When you love a person you
would not like him to be just a carbon copy of yourself, you would
like him to be a unique individual. And to make him unique you will
arrange all the conditions, all the challenges which provoke his
You will not burden him with knowledgeability, because you would
like him to know the truth himself. Any borrowed truth is a lie.
Unless it is experienced by you, it is never the truth. You will
help the child to experience more and more things. You will not tell
him lies, that there is a God. It is a lie, because you have not
seen God. Your parents lied to you, and you are repeating it in your
turn to your child. Your parents conditioned you, and what is your
life? -- a long misery from cradle to grave. Do you want your
child's life also to be just a misery, full of suffering, anxiety,
- Let your child have his original face. It
may create fear in you, it may create concern in you, but those are
your problems. Don't in any way inhibit the child. And a child who
has been given freedom -- even against his own parents -- will
respect you forever, will remain grateful to you forever. Right now,
just the opposite is the case: every child is full of anger, rage,
hatred for the parents, because what they have done to him is
unforgivable. So by giving freedom, by allowing the child to be
himself whatever that means, accepting him in his natural self
wherever it leads, you are creating a child who will worship you.
You have been not only ordinary fathers and mothers, you have been
givers of life, freedom, uniqueness.
He will carry the beautiful memory in his heart forever, and his
gratitude towards you will make him absolutely certain that what has
been done for him, he has to do for the future generations. If every
generation behaves towards the children with love and respect, and
gives them freedom to grow, all this nonsense of the generation gap
will disappear. If you respect your children, if you are friends to
your children, no generation gap is possible. Ordinarily what is
happening around the world is, there is no communication between the
children and the parents. They kiss each other, they shake hands,
but it is all hypocrisy -- done because it has to be done.
- Every parent is harassing the child to
become great, to become Alexander the Great, to become Gautam
Buddha. What can the child do? -- it is not in the program of his
basic cell. So parents are disturbed because children don't listen
to them, and children are unnecessarily harassed and hurt. They
cannot forgive their parents their whole life for the way they have
been treated in their helplessness, in their childhood. What you are
demanding of them they don't have in their basic program. Every
human psychology is completely programmed, his physiology is
completely programmed, and everything goes according to the program.
There are no accidents. You can have as beautiful women in the world
as you like; you can have as strong men in the world as you like.
Now it is within our hands.
- Every parent wants his child to be the
greatest, an Alexander the Great. Each parent is living his
unfulfilled desires through his children. He has not been able to
fulfil his desires. Nobody has ever been able to fulfil their
desires because desire as such is unfulfillable. Nothing can be done
about it; it is not in the nature of things, it is not the law of
- That's what parents go on doing with the
children: they try to enforce things on them and the children become
serious; and the moment a child becomes serious you have killed him,
you have disconnected him from his own source. All that a real
parent will do is to help the child to be more and more playful, to
be more and more joyous, celebrating. And the parent should help the
children to keep that quality intact for their whole life; the child
should never disappear. It should not be imposed on by other things:
the child should remain an undercurrent always flowing there.
- If we were loving our children, there
could not have been so many wars in the world. Who is the parent who
will send his children to war? If we were loving our children the
world could not have become so ugly. If we were loving our children,
I go as far as to say, we would not have given birth to children...
because which loving parent will be ready to give birth to their
children in this ugly and dirty world? They will excuse themselves,
saying, "How to bring our children into such a world? Tomorrow, when
we face them, we will feel so ashamed in front of them that we gave
birth to them in this world. How to send them out into this ugly
world full of immorality and darkness?" Parents would have refused
to give birth to children if they had love in their hearts.