Possessiveness - Only things can be possessed; beings cannot be
Question: Please talk about
Osho: There is nothing worse than
this that you can do, that you are capable of: reducing a being
to a thing. And that's what possession is.
Only things can be possessed; beings
cannot be possessed.
You can have a communion with a being.
You can share your love, your poetry, your beauty, your body,
You can share but you cannot do business.
You cannot bargain.
You cannot possess a man or a woman.
But everybody is trying to do that all over the earth.
The result is this madhouse we call the planet earth. You try to
possess -- it is naturally impossible, it cannot happen in the
very nature of things. Then there is misery. The more you try to
possess a person, the more that person tries to become
independent of you, because every person has a birthright to be
free, to be himself or herself. You are trespassing on the
privacy of the person, which is the only sacred place in the
whole world. Neither Israel is sacred, nor is Kashi sacred, nor
is Mecca sacred.
The only sacred space in the true sense is the privacy of a
person -- his or her independence, the beinghood.
If you love a person you will never trespass. You will never try
to be a detective, to be a Peeping Tom, peeping into the privacy
of the other person. You will respect the privacy of the other
person. But just look at the so called
lovers -- husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. All
they are doing, around the clock, is finding ways to trespass,
to enter into the private world of the other person.
They don't want the other person to have any privacy. Why? If
the person has independence, privacy, individuality, they are
afraid. The person tomorrow may not love them -- because love is
not something stagnant. It is a moment, it is nothing to do with
permanency. It may continue for eternity, but basically love is
a phenomenon of the moment. If it happens again in the next
moment you are blessed. If it does not happen you should be
thankful that at least it did happen before.
Remain open: perhaps it may happen again -- if not with this
person, then with another person. The question is not persons,
the question is of love. Love should remain flowing, it should
not be stopped. But in their stupidity people start thinking,
"If this person goes out of my hands then I am going to starve
my whole life without love." And he does not know that by trying
to hold this person permanently in his captivity, he will
starve. He will not get love. You cannot get love from a slave.
You cannot get love from your possessions; from your chair,
table, house, your furniture, you cannot get love.
You can get love only from a free agent whose uniqueness is
respected by you, whose freedom is respected by you. It is out
of the freedom of the other that this moment of love has
happened. Don't destroy it by trying to possess, by trying to
hold, by creating a legal bondage, a marriage. Let the other be
free, and remain free yourself. Don't let anybody else possess
you either. To possess or to be possessed, both are ugly.
If you are possessed you lose your very soul. Lovers love only
while they are not yet in a fixed
relationship. As the
relationship settles, love disappears. Once the relationship is
fixed, instead of love, something else takes
place: possessiveness. They still go on calling it love, but you
cannot deceive existence. Just by calling it love
you cannot change anything. It is now hate, not love. It is
fear, not love. It is adjustment, not love. It is compromise,
not love. It can be anything -- but not love.
The deeper you try to understand, the more it will become clear
to you that love and hate are not two things. It is just a
linguistic mistake to call them love and hate. In the future, at
least in psychological treatises and books, they will not be
using "and" between the two. In fact it is better to make one
word, "lovehate." They are two sides of the same coin.
is it so difficult to relate?
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