Osho on Making Sex as
Question: My girlfriend told me I
am a little boring, not very juicy, very Dependent and a victim.
Then I felt very guilty and depressed and Utterly unworthy. I
began to feel inside me a big no: towards Existence, life, love,
you. Meanwhile I observed in me this Destructive energy and I
felt that I somehow enjoyed it! Beloved Master, is it possible
to use this energy in some creative Way?
Osho : Your girlfriend is very
compassionate, because each man finally becomes very boring not
a little boring. Do you realize the fact that what you call love
is a repetition, the same stupid gymnastics again and again? And
in this whole stupid game the man is the loser. He is
dissipating his energy, perspiring, huffing, puffing, and the
girl keeps her eyes closed, thinking, "It is a question only of
two or three minutes and this nightmare will be finished."
People are so non-inventive that they take it for granted that
going through the same actions is making them more interesting.
That's why I say your girlfriend is very compassionate -- she
only told you that you are a little boring. I say to you, you
are utterly boring. When the Christian missionaries came to this
country, people discovered that they knew only one posture of
making love -- the woman underneath and those ugly beasts on top
of the delicate woman. In India that posture is called the
India is an ancient land and the birth place of many sciences,
particularly sexology. A book of tremendous importance, by
Vatsyayana, has been in existence for five thousand years. The
name of the book is Kamasutras, hints for making love. And it
comes from a man of deep meditation -- he has created
eighty-four postures for lovemaking. Naturally the love posture
should change; otherwise you are bound to be boring.
Vatsyayana recognizes the fact that the same love posture
creates boredom, a feeling of utter stupidity, because you are
always doing the same thing. He invented eighty-four postures to
make the love life of couples a little interesting. Nobody in
the whole world has written a book of the caliber of Kamasutras.
But it could only have come from a man of immense clarity, of
deep meditativeness. What is your lovemaking? If you look at
your lovemaking, you yourself will feel that it is all boring.
And particularly for the woman it is more boring, because the
man is finished in two or three minutes and the woman has not
even started. And all around the world, cultures have enforced
in the minds of women that they are not supposed even to enjoy
or move or be playful -- that is called `dirty'; prostitutes do
it, not ladies. Ladies have to lie down almost dead and let that
old guy do whatsoever he wants to do; it is nothing new, there
new even to see.
You should not take it as a personal disrespect. Your girlfriend
is telling you something really sincere and honest. Have you
given her orgasmic joy? Or have you only used her to throw out
your sexual energy? Have you reduced her into a commodity? She
has been conditioned to accept it, but even this accepting
cannot be joyful. You make love on the same bed where you fight
every day. In fact fighting is the preface: throwing pillows,
shouting at each other, arguing about everything and then,
feeling tired, some negotiation is needed.
Your love is only a negotiation. If you are a man of aesthetic
sensibility, your love chamber should be a sacred place, because
it is in that love chamber that life is born. It should have
beautiful flowers, incense, fragrance; you should enter into it
with deep respect. And love should not be just an abrupt thing
-- grab the woman. This hit-and-run affair is not love. Love
should have a preface of beautiful music, of dancing together,
of meditating together.
And love should not be a mind thing -- that you are continuously
thinking of how to make love and then go to sleep. Love should
be a deeper involvement of your whole being, and it should not
be projected by the mind, but should come out spontaneously.
Beautiful music, fragrance, you are dancing hand in hand, you
have again become small children playing with flowers... If
spontaneously love happens in this sacred atmosphere it will
have a different quality.
You should understand that the woman is capable of multiple
orgasms, because she does not lose any energy. Man is capable of
only one orgasm and he loses energy, looks depressed. Even the
next morning you can see his hangover, and as he goes on growing
older it becomes more and more difficult. This difference has to
be understood. The woman is on the receptive end -- she has to
be, because she has to become a mother, she needs more energy.
But her orgasm has a totally different way of happening. Man's
sexuality is local, like local anesthesia.
A woman's body is sexual all over, and unless her whole body
starts trembling with joy, each cell of her body
starts becoming involved, she cannot have an orgasmic explosion.
So it is not only in your case, it is the case for almost
ninety-nine percent of women around the world. The whole
situation has to be changed. The woman should not be under the
man. In the first place it is ugly -- man has a stronger body,
the woman is more fragile. She should
be on top of the man, not the man on top of the woman.
Secondly, man should remain silent, inactive, so that his orgasm
is not finished within two minutes. If you are silent and let
the woman go crazy on top of your chest it will give her good
exercise and it will bring her to an explosion of orgasmic
energy. It takes time for her whole body to warm up, and if you
are not inactive there is no time. So you meet, but the meeting
is not of beauty, of love, but just utilitarian. try with your
girlfriend what I am saying. You be the inactive partner and let
her be the active partner. Allow her to be uninhibited.
She has not to behave like a lady, she has to behave like an
authentic woman. The lady is just created by man; woman is
created by existence. You have to fill the gap between her
orgasms. The gap can be filled in only one
way, that you remain very inactive, silent, and enjoy her going
crazy. And she will have multiple orgasms. You should end the
game by your orgasm, but you should not begin with it. And your
woman will not call you a little boring. You will be a really
interesting, real wonderful guy who is behaving like a lady!
Keep your eyes closed so that she is not inhibited by your eyes.
So she can do anything -- movement of the hands, movement of the
body, moaning, groaning, shouting... Until she says, "Hari Om
Tat Sat!" you are not allowed to be alive, you simply remain
silent. This should be the indication. "Hari Om Tat Sat" simply
means: this orgasmic explosion, this is the truth. Then she will
be mad after you. Right now you must be behaving stupidly, as
most of the men in the world do.
The second thing you say: "My girlfriend is saying that I am not
very juicy." So become a little more juicy! To become juicy is
not very difficult. The juice of all kinds of fruits is
available everywhere. Drink more juice, less solid food. She is
giving you good advice and you in your stupidity are thinking
that she is condemning you. When she says, "You are very
dependent and a victim," I can see even through your question
that she is right.
A victim you are, just as every human being is a victim -- a
victim of stupid ideologies, which have created strange guilt
feelings and do not allow you to be playful. Although you may be
making love, you know you are committing a sin and that hell is
not far off.
Becky Goldberg was telling Goldberg, "You are a great lover."
Goldberg said, "But you never told me this before. I was waiting
for somebody to say that I am a great lover, but I dropped the
idea because it seems I am not."
Becky Goldberg said to him, "No, you are a great lover, and I
wanted to say it to you many times, but you were not there!" ...
making love to Becky, and Goldberg is not there. He is counting
his money, doing his accounts, and his mind is doing thousands
In every bed where there are two lovers there are at least -- I
mean minimum -- four people. There are more inventive people --
they may have a whole crowd in the bed. The woman is making love
to Goldberg and thinking of Muhammad Ali. Goldberg is making
love as a duty and is thinking of so many beautiful actresses;
but his mind is not there, and neither is his wife's mind there.
Their minds are in their dreams.
A man told his friend, "Last night I had a tremendous dream. I
have to tell you. I have been waiting for the morning to tell
you the dream." The man said, "What kind of dream?"
He said, "I went fishing in my dream and I caught such big fish
that even to draw in one big fish was a strenuous job for me,
and I caught so many fish. I don't know where these fish
disappear to in the day."
The other man said, "Stop all this nonsense, you don't know what
I have dreamt. I found in my dream, on one side of me, Sophia
Loren, absolutely nude. And I said, `My God, have I reached
heaven?' And on the other side was another beautiful woman. It
was impossible to judge who was more beautiful."
The other friend became very angry and he said, "You idiot! You
pretend to be my best friend. Why didn't you call me?" He said,
"I did call, but your wife said you had gone fishing."
Nobody is where you think he is. Nobody is at home. While making
love make it a meditative process. Your whole presence has to be
there, showering on the woman you love. The woman has to be
there, showering all her beauty and grace on her lover. Then you
will not be a victim, otherwise you are a victim. And the most
important part will be that you will not feel guilty and
depressed. No creative person feels depressed and guilty. His
participation in the universe by his creative actions makes him
tremendously fulfilled and gives him dignity.
That is the very birthright of every man, but very few people
claim it. And there is no difficulty, it is so easy to use
energy in creative fields. Paint, do gardening, grow flowers,
write poetry, learn music, dance. Learn anything that changes
your destructive energy into creative energy, and immediately
the big No will become even a bigger Yes.
Then you will not be angry at existence, you will be grateful.
You will not be against life. How can a creative person be
against life, love? It is impossible, it has never happened.
It is only the uncreative people who are against everything.
Your girl has raised very important questions for your life. The
easiest way would be to change the girlfriend, but I suggest
that your girlfriend is certainly a friend to you and that
whatever she has said is absolutely sincere, authentic. Be
grateful to her and start changing
things. The day your girlfriend accepts you as juicy, as
interesting, will be a great day in your life. So don't be a
coward and change girlfriends just because this girlfriend
creates trouble in your mind, and you want to find some other
You must know of my disciples here. You are fortunate to find a
very compassionate girl. Your next choice will be very
difficult; she will make you feel absolutely guilty and
unworthy. Because what have you done to be worthy? What have you
done not to be boring? What have you done to declare your
independence? What have you done not to be a victim?
It is time you should do it. You will remain always grateful to
your girlfriend. I would like to tell your girlfriend, "Go on
hitting this fellow until you are satisfied that he is not
boring, but full of juice, utterly interesting, playful,
celebrating. You may lose him somewhere on the path of life, but
you will have prepared him for some other woman; otherwise the
way he is now he is going to torture many women and torture
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