Osho Polack Jokes
- And do you know what is written on the
bottom of Polish milk bottles?
"Open at other end."
- A Polack was driving his Volkswagen, when
suddenly it stopped for some reason. He went to look -- maybe there was some
trouble in the engine -- but he could not find the engine. So he thought,
"My God, my engine has been stolen!"
Just then another Polack stopped by his side. He said, "Is there some
The first man said, "Yes, it seems my engine has been stolen."
The man said, "Don't be worried. This morning I was looking at the back of
my car -- there is a spare engine. You can take it!"
- Giant Polish dockworker, Kraczewski, was
considered by most of the longshoremen to be a great lover. They claimed he
could make love to twenty girls in an hour. When some disbelieving seamen
showed up, bets were made and the next night twenty girls were lined up in
one of the warehouses.
The big Polack went to work. He had made love to the first dozen when
suddenly he fell to the floor in a state of exhaustion. His pals rushed up
to him screaming, "What happened?" "I dunno," answered Kraczewaski. "I did okay this afternoon at the
- A Pole was working at a construction site
where the boss left each day at eleven a.m. and was gone for two hours. This
became such a regular occurrence that the rest of the workers decided to
spend those two hours in the bar across the street, but the Polack decided
to head home for some extra nookie with his wife. When he arrived home, he
found his boss busy banging his wife in the bedroom. Well he walked right
out and headed back to the job. The following day, the Polack was working
his ass off when everyone headed across to the bar.
"Hey, Ski, aren't you coming?" asked one of them.
"Hell, no!" said the Polack. "I almost got caught yesterday."
- How do you make a one armed Polack fall off
Answer: You wave to him. Why did the Polish Government import five hundred million tons of sand from
Answer: They wanted to drill for their own oil.
Did you hear about the Polish lesbian?
Answer: She likes men.
- Three Polacks, Madia, are standing outside a
brothel discussing what prices they are willing to pay for the services
inside. They decide that one of them should go inside first while the other
two wait outside. Half an hour later, the one who went inside comes out with a gleaming smile
across his face. "What happened? What was it like?" his friends ask.
"Well, I paid five zlotys, went into a room and this tall sexy woman was
waiting for me. She took my clothes off, put two pineapple rings over my
prick and proceeded to slowly eat them off. It was great!"
The second Polack, pleased with his friend's report, goes inside. An hour
later he comes out, a big Cheshire cat grin on his face.
"What happened?" asked the other two.
"Well I paid ten zlotys, and it was the same as our first friend. But this
time she put four pineapple rings over my cock and ate them off very very
slowly." The third Polack, by this time very horny, rushes in to the brothel
and comes out fifteen minutes later with a long, sad face.
"Well," ask his friends, "what's wrong? What happened?"
"Well, begins the sad Polack, "it started off great. I paid twenty zlotys
and she put six rings of pineapple over my cock, plus a big scoop of whipped
"Wow!" the friends exclaim.
"That's not all," continues the third, "a handful of crushed nuts, a sugar
wafer, hot chocolate sauce, and topped off with a beautiful red cherry."
"That sounds great," one of the others said. "What could possibly make you
so sad then?" "Well, it looked so fucking good, I ate it myself!"
- A Polack walks into the office of a circus
and offers to jump to the ground from ten meters up, head first, without a
net. The manager does not believe this so they go to the stage. The Polack
gets up to about ten meters height, takes a deep breath and jumps head
first. He crashes down on his head, lies still for a few moments and then
gets up. The manager is fascinated. "That's incredible!" he exclaims. "I'll pay you
one hundred dollars a night."
The Polack shakes his head. "Okay, okay, I'll pay you three hundred dollars a night." "No," replies the Polack.
"I'll pay you a thousand dollars!" says the manager.
"No," says the Polack, "I've changed my mind -- I don't want to jump
anymore. I didn't know it would hurt so much!"
- A Polack discovered that he had three balls.
He was so anxious to tell it to someone that he stopped the first man he met
on the road and told him, "Do you want to bet that together we have five
He lost his bet... the other guy had only one ball!
- The old Polack general lived with his young
wife in a lonely villa. They kept two guards in front of the house to
protect them against intruders.
One night the guards saw that the lights in the general's bedroom were on
for a very long time. Suspicious, they snuck up to the window and peeped in.
The general's wife was lying on the bed naked, looking quite bored. The
Polack general, also naked, was anxiously walking around the room with a
pistol in his hand. Suddenly he stopped, looked down at his groin and shouted, "Stand up like a
man or I'll shoot!"
- A Polack landowner has been wondering for
quite a while about the quietness of his barnyard during the mid-day breaks.
One day he decides to find out what's behind it all, so he steps out
discreetly and sees his farmhand crossing the yard with pants open and
disappearing into the barn. The landowner calls his servant back and asks
him what's going on inside the barn.
"Well, sir, we've got quite a jolly game going on in there. The girls hide
their heads in the hay and then have to guess who did it!"
"That sounds like fun," replies the Polack landowner. "Can I join you?"
"I guess so," says the farmhand. "Your wife has been at it for six weeks
- Kyacki's son had been acting a little
strange lately, so Kyacki took him to a psychiatrist.
"Tell me, son," questioned the shrink, "how many wheels does an auto have?"
"Very good," said the doctor. "Now what is it a cow has four of that a woman
"And what does your father have that your mother likes most?"
The psychiatrist turned to Kyacki and said, "You don't have to worry about
him -- he's smart!"
"He sure is!" said the Polack. "I missed the last two questions myself!"
- Two Polacks go to see a Western movie. In
the middle of the film a cowboy, mounted on a white horse, and an Indian,
mounted on a black horse, begin to race each other across the plain. The first Polack turns to his friend and says, "I'll bet you fifty dollars
that the black horse gets to the river before the white horse." "Okay, you're on!" exclaims the second Polack.
A few seconds later, the white horse and his rider splash into the river ten
lengths ahead of the black horse. "Listen," said the second Polack after a pause, "I can't take your money. I
have seen this movie before and I knew that the white horse would win."
"Ah!" said the first Polack. "I have seen it twice before... but that black
horse got off to such a good start THIS time! "
- The sawmill foreman hired Sofronski, led
him to a buzz saw and explained how it worked. He warned Sofronski that it
was extremely dangerous, and left him alone. Sofronski, fascinated by the saw, reached out a probing finger toward it.
One second later the finger was gone. Sofronski screamed in pain, bringing
the foreman on the run.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Your saw cut my finger off."
"Well," asked the foreman, "what did you do wrong?"
"I don't know!" said the Polack. "I just touch it like this... ow! Damn,
there go another one!"
- A gorilla in the zoo died. His female
companion, after a few months, began getting violent as her need for sex
increased. The zookeepers decided to get a man to make love to her. They
picked up a Polack down on skid row and offered him twenty dollars for the
They muzzled the she-ape, tied her arms to the bars, and let the Polack
gingerly into her cage. When the gorilla saw the guy had an erection, she
suddenly ripped her arms loose from the bars and began crushing him in her
embrace. "Help!" he shouted. "For God's sake, help!"
"Don't worry," the keeper shouted back, "we'll get an elephant-gun and shoot
her." "No! No! Don't shoot her. Just get her muzzle off -- I wanna kiss her!"
- A Polack goes into the doctor's surgery
with both his ears burnt.
"I have never seen such a case," exclaims the doctor. "What on earth
"I was ironing my clothes," explains the Polack, "when the phone rang."
"But what about the other ear?" asks the doctor.
"Well," replies the Polack, "I had to phone for the ambulance."
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Osho Jokes on Fake
Osho Jokes on Repressed
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Osho Jokes on people from
Osho - Why so many Jokes about Polacks
Osho Jokes on Mulla Nasruddin
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