|Question - Beloved
Master, Cannot one ever find a Perfect Partner in Marriage?
Osho - Sagaro, perfect people don't exist. And perfect people,
if they existed, would be very boring. It is imperfection that keeps
life interesting. Just think of a perfect husband, a perfect wife: they
will be utterly bored!
Bertrand Russell is reported to have said: I don't want to go to heaven,
for the simple reason that there will be sages and sages, all perfect.
Heaven is bound to be very boring.
Just think of all perfect people -- what life can there be? Bertrand
Russell is right: in hell there is much more life than in heaven. Heaven
will certainly be dull and dead.
Perfection is death; perfection is not found in the world. The world
lives through imperfection, because in imperfection there is growth,
evolution. Perfection means you have come to a dead end; now there is no
way to go further ahead. You are stuck.
You ask me, "Cannot one ever find a perfect partner in marriage?" Very
difficult, almost impossible!
I have heard about a man who searched his whole life for a perfect
woman, and naturally he had to die a bachelor. When he was dying,
somebody asked him, "Your whole life you were searching for a perfect
wife. Could you not find a single woman who was perfect?"
He said, "Who said that I didn't find her? Many times I came across a
Then the questioner asked, "Then what happened? Why didn't you get
He said, "Because she was also looking for a perfect husband!"
In the first place, to find one person who is perfect is very difficult
-- and you are trying to find two persons. Impossible! It has not
happened up to now; it can't happen.
And what will make a perfect marriage? If the woman is truly a woman and
the man is truly a man, there is bound to be some tension, and that
tension is beautiful. In fact, that's what brings beauty to marriage. A
little conflict is natural; without that conflict there will be no salt.
Your food will be without salt -- it will not taste good. There will be
no spice in your life. If the woman is really a woman, the man a real
man, then they will be polar opposites -- and that is their attraction.
Yes, once in a while they will come close and that closeness will bring
great joy, and then they will fall away again. And this will be a
constant process of coming together and going away again. Each time they
go away they will fight, because that's how they can go away from each
Fighting is nothing but a device. If you understand things, fighting is
a device for separation. And each separation is beautiful because it
again gives you an opportunity for a mini-honeymoon. Then you can meet
again. Fighting and then persuading each other, fighting and then making
things okay again, is beautiful. If there is no fight, those two persons
will not be real persons.
It was the night before the wedding.
"Honey," the young man said, "I have a confession to make. If you change
your mind about marrying me it is alright, but you've got to know -- I
am a sadist."
"Ah baby!" cried the girl. "Am I glad you told me! I have been keeping
it from you -- I'm a masochist!"
... Now this is a perfect marriage: marriage between a sadist and a
masochist. You can't improve upon it.
So the two got married and went away on their honeymoon. That evening at
the hotel, the eager bride threw off her clothes, fell on the bed and in
a throaty voice said, "Beat me! Beat me!"
The groom stood over her, crossed his arms and replied, "Hope!"
He is a REAL sadist, because if he beats her he is not torturing her, he
is simply giving her joy: she wanted to be beaten and he beats her.
Instead he says, "Hope!" and just stands there with crossed hands... so
even this perfect marriage failed!
I have never heard about any perfect marriage. They say perfect
marriages are made in heaven. Nobody comes back from there so maybe it
is true, but what kind of marriage will those perfect marriages be?
There will be no tension, there will be no individuality in the man or
in the woman. They will never collide, they will never fight. They will
be too sweet to each other.
And too much sweetness brings diabetes!
Source - Osho Book "The Dhammapada Vol7"
Related Osho Discourses:
Marriage and Friendship
Osho on Life in a marriage and its
Osho - why do you ask
people to get Married
Osho on importance of
Commitment in a Relationship
Osho - Before you can Love Yourself you
have to know yourself
Osho on hell of living with a
woman and the hell of living without a woman
Back to Counseling