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Spiritual Practices are Obstructions to Awakening (Madhukar Interview with
Kiranji)
I first met Kiran in Pune in November 1993. I had gone round to visit Dadaji
and, while I was waiting to be admitted into Dadaji's presence, a
middle-aged couple arrived and a friend introduced them to me saying, "This
is Kiran, an enlightened Osho disciple who lives in Pune, and his wife,
Vinodini. Dadaji is an old acquaintance of theirs." This seemingly casual
introduction had an electrifying effect on me. An enlightened disciple of
Osho! A gurubhai who had achieved what I had been longing for all these
years! Could it be true? The following evening, at Kiran's invitation, I
went to visit him at his residence in Mukundnagar. Four of his
disciple-friends were also present. We sat in his garden and, with his
permission, I videotaped the following conversation.
Madhukar: How long have you been with Osho?
Kiranji: I was his disciple for more than
fifteen years.
Madhukar: Up to a Point, we both traveled the
same path with Osho. As a brother seeker of yours, the most important
question for me is what exactly happened to you? And what did you do for it
to happen? I want to know if you practiced exactly the same methods and
meditations that I did? And if so, why did realization happen to you but not
to me and not to other friends of ours? If you practiced different or
additional meditations and methods, what were they? What can I learn from
you? Can you help me and your brother and sister seekers and gurubhais on
their spiritual path?
Kiranji: I was with Osho for many years.
I was
traveling together with you people. We were all travelers on the path
searching for something-searching for truth, searching for the reality of
life. While we were traveling together with Osho, we were doing many
things-meditation, therapies, groups, work. We did whatever Osho suggested
to us. We followed him totally. We surrendered to him totally.
Me too, I was sitting there right in front of him. I was listening to his
lectures for many years. I was following his suggestions with the hope that
one day I would reach my goal of enlightenment. I was absolutely satisfied
with him until he went to the United States of America in 198 I. My spiritual
and worldly lives were absolutely secure and safe with him. I had fallen
asleep. But when he went to the States, I was suddenly awakened from that
security. That was the beginning of my understanding.
When I met Osho in 1967, for the first time, I was on fire and my thirst for
truth was very strong. But as I came closer to him, I fell-slowly, slowly
asleep. But for a long time I didn't notice that I had fallen asleep. Only
when he departed to the States did I wake up to this fact-and remembered the
search. With great intensity I restarted it.
By and by, I began to understand that something was wrong with searching.
I
felt that it was wrong to be after something all the time. I woke up to the
understanding that I was making a mistake by searching something, somewhere
outside. I came to know that I was making a mistake by going to somebody, by
asking for the way, by sitting at somebody's feet, by waiting for something
to happen, by desiring that the realization will happen with the help of
effort and spiritual practice.
I started simply watching myself. I was watching my mind. I watching all
inner processes that were happening. And-ever so slowly-I began to
understand that the desire, the effort, the doings and practices were the
actual disturbances of my peace. The seeking was the obstruction to
realization. Osho had told us many times that we had to drop all our doings
and efforts. He had said that we never lost It, and that It was already our
nature. Sitting right in front of him I had heard him say that so many
times. But I could not understand him because I was sleeping and dreaming. I
believe that's what happened to all of us. We fell asleep and therefore
didn't hear him.
I became aware of what was happening. I started to understand what was
happening. Slowly, slowly, I began to awake. The first thing I "did" was to
drop all my doings and practices for reaching somewhere and for achieving
the goal of enlightenment. I just became an ordinary man. I worked in my
business and I looked after my family. I did not desire anymore to reach
somewhere. I was not after anything any longer. I said, "It's there, it's
there.
Let it happen, let it happen. I am not bothered." But the thirst was still
there-inside me. That longing inside remained. But I was not doing anything
about it. That's why I was away from Osho's physical presence for the past
ten years. When Osho returned from the USA to Pune, I didn't feel to go to
the ashram and to meet him, because in my aloneness everything had started
settling down within myself. Suddenly I felt that the search had ended. All
my searching just dropped away by itself. I started accepting existence. I
started accepting myself. I could accept myself as I was. I did not desire
any change. I was not even asking to become something. I was not asking for
enlightenment anymore. I was just relaxing with myself. I was happy,
Peaceful and relaxed with how and what I was in the present moment. I found
myself saying to myself, "It's okay. It's fine. I don't want to become
somebody. I don't want to get anywhere" Therefore, when Osho came back to
Pune, there was no energy inside me, which made me go to the ashram and see
him. All questions had dropped. All questioning and searching were simply
finished.
For many years I was just sitting quietly and alone at home on this chair
here. For many years I was just enjoying nature and myself in silence and
aloneness. I did not bother whether this was enlightenment or not. But I
could definitely say that all searching had ended, all questions had
dropped. I had no questions to ask anymore. I felt absolutely settled and at
peace with myself. I could feel the silence descending on me. Slowly, slowly
I was dissolving. I, as I knew myself, was just dissolving. I was feeling
close to existence and to everything and to everybody In my silence, I was
becoming one with everything. Nothing could disturb the peace inside myself.
From January 1993 onward, people started coming to see me. This was a
surprise for me, too.
Madhukar: Before you started to stay in
aloneness and silence, were you basically doing what all of us did in Osho's
ashram ? Did you serve Osho and his work by working in his commune? Were you
as much in his commune and in his presence as possible? Did you participate
in his meditations and in the therapy groups ? Were surrender and devotion
to the master your principle "practices"?
Kiranji: Yes. Those practices describe my life
with Osho.
Madhukar: Did I understand you correctly that
the additional method you applied was not doing anything? Your blooming and
awakening happened only after all doing was left behind and "just being''
remained. Is that correct?
Kiranji: Yes. But I Cannot Pinpoint how or what
brought the blooming about.
Madhukar: Was there anything that triggered it?
Was there any kind of cause and effect relationship? Usually we believe that
practice leads to the goal. Please, tell me as much as possible about the
blooming Process and its workings. By describing your Process, you may help
me to understand my own. Furthermore, through your description I may come to
know where I am at in my search.
Kiranji: There is no cause and effect
relationship in the awakening process. That is my basic understanding of the
whole spiritual journey. Awakening is not an event, which is going to happen
because you are doing something with your mind-may that be meditation or
whatever. Awakening is uncaused. It cannot be achieved through effort
because you have never lost It. That's what I came to understand. We have to
seek the seeker. We forget this main point. We always seek somewhere
outside. We are always after some goal. We seek enlightenment. We seek
Budhahood. We seek so many things. Because we are so busy with seeking we
have forgotten to ask who it is that is seeking. Who is it that wants to
become enlightened? Who wants this enlightenment? Who wants to become a
Buddha? When we forget to ask this main question, we go on trying in all
directions. We go on doing all the efforts to seek outside of us.
Who is the seeker? We go on asking "Who am I?" Who is asking this question?
Who is the questioner? You are asking this question! You are asking these
questions because you want to know who you are. It is a contradiction. How
can you find yourself somewhere when you are not lost anywhere? All efforts
and all doing are taking you away from yourself. Therefore, anybody who has
awakened could come to "know" only after dropping all doing and all effort.
We all were making this basic mistake of doing and of undertaking
goal-oriented actions. Intentional and purposeful actions are initiated and
done by the mind. The mind understands only the language of doing.
I can tell you, "Sit silently, do nothing, the spring comes and the grass
grows by itself." Osho said this proverb so many times. We heard him say it
again and again. But we don't understand what "sitting silently, doing
nothing" means. We keep asking, "How to do nothing?" For us doing nothing
means "What to do?" We always want to know what to do, how to do it and how
to reach it. All these questions are asked by the mind.
In our quest, we are searching a space, which is beyond the mind. It is a
space that the mind cannot reach. That space can only be reached when the
mind has dropped. Actually that space remains when the mind is dissolved.
The mind is a wrong instrument here. It is of absolutely no use here. How
could you reach that space by using the instrument of the mind? The mind is
not a helpful instrument but a hindrance for reaching that space. The
practice of meditations, the undergoing of therapies and groups, and all
such nonsense is done by the mind. We tried to use the mind to reach to that
space. We all were committing the same mistake. We were doing meditations
sitting right in front of Osho. These practices are actually the
obstructions to awakening.
I say, "Drop all your efforts! Drop all your doings! Just stop and see!
Watch! Simply look at what is happening. Just drop all desire to become."
And when you drop all your doing, the doer starts dissolving immediately.
The doer is the mind. The more the doer dissolves, the more existence
expresses its own doing. And, in one fine moment, you'll find yourself to be
free. "Oh God! Is it so? Is this it? This is it!" you will say to yourself.
And you just laugh. You just laugh at everything. It's so simple, so easy.
But we made it so complicated!
If I tell you to do nothing, the mind will not understand it. It is beyond
the understanding of the mind. As long as you are using your mind, the
master must give you something to do. He gives you something to do until you
become frustrated and exhausted by all your doings. But at some point you
will be finished with all doing. At that time, you will know and feel that
you have done everything possible and in spite of it nothing has happened.
Then you come to the point of total frustration. This point of total
frustration will lead to total surrender. Then you say, "Oh, I can't do
anything anymore. I am finished." This surrender will take you to total
acceptance. You will start accepting existence and yourself. Acceptance will
cut all the roots of the mind that was nourishing all doing. Without
nourishment the ego will dissolve.
By witnessing what is happening around you and by not doing anything-slowly,
slowly-this state of accepting will start coming. Now everything is just
happening. When you come to that point of witnessing, you are "there." You
are at the end of your journey.
Next Page....
(purpose of Osho's
efforts remains unfulfilled)
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