Kiranji Enlightenment                                                                                                                          

Kiranji: I was with Osho for many years. I was traveling together with you people. We were all travelers on the path searching for something-searching for truth, searching for the reality of life. While we were traveling together with Osho, we were doing many things-meditation, therapies, groups, work. We did whatever Osho suggested to us. We followed him totally. We surrendered to him totally. Me too, I was sitting there right in front of him. I was listening to his lectures for many years.

I was following his suggestions with the hope that one day I would reach my goal of enlightenment. I was absolutely satisfied with him until he went to the United States of America in 1981. My spiritual and worldly lives were absolutely secure and safe with him. I had fallen asleep. But when he went to the States, I was suddenly awakened from that security. That was the beginning of my understanding. When I met Osho in 1967, for the first time, I was on fire and my thirst for truth was very strong.

But as I came closer to him, I fell-slowly, slowly asleep. But for a long time I didn't notice that I had fallen asleep. Only when he departed to the States did I wake up to this fact-and remembered the search. With great intensity I restarted it. By and by, I began to understand that something was wrong with searching. I felt that it was wrong to be after something all the time. I woke up to the understanding that I was making a mistake by searching something, somewhere outside.

I came to know that I was making a mistake by going to somebody, by asking for the way, by sitting at somebody's feet, by waiting for something to happen, by desiring that the realization will happen with the help of effort and spiritual practice. I started simply watching myself. I was watching my mind. I watching all inner processes that were happening. And-ever so slowly-I began to understand that the desire, the effort, the doings and practices were the actual disturbances of my peace. The seeking was the obstruction to realization.

Osho had told us many times that we had to drop all our doings and efforts. He had said that we never lost It, and that It was already our nature. Sitting right in front of him I had heard him say that so many times. But I could not understand him because I was sleeping and dreaming. I believe that's what happened to all of us. We fell asleep and therefore didn't hear him. I became aware of what was happening. I started to understand what was happening.

Slowly, slowly, I began to awake. The first thing I "did" was to drop all my doings and practices for reaching somewhere and for achieving the goal of enlightenment. I just became an ordinary man. I worked in my business and I looked after my family. I did not desire anymore to reach somewhere. I was not after anything any longer. I said, "It's there, it's there. Let it happen, let it happen. I am not bothered." But the thirst was still there-inside me. That longing inside remained. But I was not doing anything about it.

That's why I was away from Osho's physical presence for the past ten years. When Osho returned from the USA to Pune, I didn't feel to go to the ashram and to meet him, because in my aloneness everything had started settling down within myself. Suddenly I felt that the search had ended. All my searching just dropped away by itself. I started accepting existence. I started accepting myself. I could accept myself as I was. I did not desire any change. I was not even asking to become something. I was not asking for enlightenment anymore.

I was just relaxing with myself. I was happy, Peaceful and relaxed with how and what I was in the present moment. I found myself saying to myself, "It's okay. It's fine. I don't want to become somebody. I don't want to get anywhere" Therefore, when Osho came back to Pune, there was no energy inside me, which made me go to the ashram and see him. All questions had dropped. All questioning and searching were simply finished. For many years I was just sitting quietly and alone at home on this chair here.

For many years I was just enjoying nature and myself in silence and aloneness. I did not bother whether this was enlightenment or not. But I could definitely say that all searching had ended, all questions had dropped. I had no questions to ask anymore. I felt absolutely settled and at peace with myself. I could feel the silence descending on me. Slowly, slowly I was dissolving. I, as I knew myself, was just dissolving. I was feeling close to existence and to everything and to everybody In my silence, I was becoming one with everything. Nothing could disturb the peace inside myself.

Source: http://www.sannyasnews.com/Pages/Kiran.html

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